Dr Julie Smith | Psychologist

👉👈 When we feel painful emotion the most natural human response is to pull away, escape them and avoid. We block them out with anything that feels safe and pleasurable. But when we do that, the painful emotions don’t always disappear forever. We find ourselves trapped in cycles of addictive behaviours that keep the emotion at bay for just a short time. The way we guide people to process painful emotion in therapy is to allow the emotion to be there, turn towards it and feel it, while soothing yourself through the process with skills that help you to tolerate the distress. This enables the emotion to take its natural course and wash over you. Emotions come in waves so we know they will increase in intensity, peak and then come back down again. 👉More on this in my No.1 Sunday Times Bestselling book, Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? (Currently -50% off @ £7.50 inc delivery see link in bio). Filled with insights from therapy about how to deal with real life problems. If don’t want to read it and would like me to read it to you, it’s free when you sign up to Audible link in my bio 😉

🐠 👉 If you are joining one of the infinite January resets/diets/lifestyle changes, ask yourself this question before you start: have you set your goals so high that you will want to give up by the end of the month? A short term change can feel good for a while, but if you then return to a way of living that makes you feel unhappy or unwell then this time next year you will be back on the same cycle. Why not take a moment to review those goals and reduce your expectations to something that you know you can sustain? We often lean toward the grand and unrealistic because we want results now. But the most successful change is one you don’t have to return from. If the goals you set this year look remarkably similar to last year and the year before that, how might you lower those expectations so the new change will remain this time next year? Would love to hear your thoughts on this in the comments. 👉 More on this in my No.1 international bestselling book - Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? (Currently -50% see link in bio). Filled with insights from therapy about how to deal with real life problems. Available in over 40 languages 🇬🇧 🇺🇸 🇮🇳 🇨🇳 🇨🇦 🇦🇺 🇦🇱 🇧🇷 🇧🇬 🇭🇷 🇨🇿 🇩🇰 🇪🇪 🇫🇮 🇫🇷 🇩🇪 🇬🇷 🇭🇺 🇮🇸 🇮🇩 🇮🇱 🇮🇹 🇯🇵 🇱🇻 🇱🇹 🇲🇰 🇳🇱 🇳🇴 🇵🇱 🇵🇸 🇵🇹 🇷🇴 🇷🇺 🇷🇸 🇸🇰 🇸🇮 🇰🇷 🇪🇸 🇸🇪 🇹🇼 🇹🇭 🇹🇷 🇺🇦 🇻🇳

👉 No? Then I have an important message for you. Take this as a signal that here lies a huge opportunity for learning something that could transform the way you experience and approach life. The bad news is that if your internal narrative sounds more like a bully than a friend, it will be having negative consequences on your wellbeing. But the good news is that you have more power to change it than you think. All of it was learned. And as an adult you get to update your learning with conscious effort. Every choice that you make about how to act either reinforces your beliefs and predictions about yourself and the world, or it changes them. So, if you are to shift the way you relate to yourself and how you experience life, you must do that with your actions as well as the thoughts you focus on. Start by asking yourself the questions below: • If I was to treat myself as I treat the people I care about, what would that look like in terms of my actions and behaviour? • What would it sound like in the way I interpreted my own failings and shortcomings? • How would it show up in my interactions with other people? See if you can paint a detailed image of the concrete behaviour changes that would be necessary for this change to take place and be sustained. Let me know how you get on. Feel free to share @drjulie ❤️ 👉More on this in my international bestselling book - Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? (Currently -50% see link in bio). Filled with insights from therapy about how to deal with real life problems. Available in over 40 languages.. 🇬🇧 🇺🇸 🇮🇳 🇨🇳 🇨🇦 🇦🇺 🇦🇱 🇧🇷 🇧🇬 🇭🇷 🇨🇿 🇩🇰 🇪🇪 🇫🇮 🇫🇷 🇩🇪 🇬🇷 🇭🇺 🇮🇸 🇮🇩 🇮🇱 🇮🇹 🇯🇵 🇱🇻 🇱🇹 🇲🇰 🇳🇱 🇳🇴 🇵🇱 🇵🇹 🇷🇴 🇷🇺 🇷🇸 🇸🇰 🇸🇮 🇰🇷 🇪🇸 🇸🇪 🇹🇼 🇹🇭 🇹🇷 🇺🇦 🇻🇳

💥This hits hard 👉How do you feel when someone in your life says one thing but does another? Sometimes it can cause us to doubt ourselves because we want so much to believe in the words they say. But when there is a disconnect between words and actions I tend to believe that the behaviour carries more weight. Despite this I do believe that we should always assume positive intent and not rush to judge someone’s actions as malicious until we know more. As soon as we interpret a situation in that way, we are already disconnected and less likely to be able to approach them in a way that will help us fully understand intent. I’d love to hear what you guys think on this one, from your own experience. Feel free to share @drjulie 👉 For more on this subject check out my new book ‘Open When...’ It was an instant No.1 Sunday Times and New York Times bestseller. Available for -48% discount see link in bio. Also check out my million copy bestselling 1st book ‘Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?’ Up to 60% off right now. Both are available across the world in over 40 languages. If you don’t want to read it and would like me to read it to you, it’s free when you sign up to Audible. Both links in my bio. If you brought a copy of either of my books thank you for the support 🙏

💥This hits hard 👉How do you feel when someone in your life says one thing but does another? Sometimes it can cause us to doubt ourselves because we want so much to believe in the words they say. But when there is a disconnect between words and actions I tend to believe that the behaviour carries more weight. Despite this I do believe that we should always assume positive intent and not rush to judge someone’s actions as malicious until we know more. As soon as we interpret a situation in that way, we are already disconnected and less likely to be able to approach them in a way that will help us fully understand intent. I’d love to hear what you guys think on this one, from your own experience. Feel free to share @drjulie 👉 For more on this subject check out my new book ‘Open When...’ It was an instant No.1 Sunday Times and New York Times bestseller. Available for -48% discount see link in bio. Also check out my million copy bestselling 1st book ‘Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?’ Up to 60% off right now. Both are available across the world in over 40 languages. If you don’t want to read it and would like me to read it to you, it’s free when you sign up to Audible. Both links in my bio. If you brought a copy of either of my books thank you for the support 🙏

⚫️ What nobody tells you about grief & loss 🖤 👉 If your loss still feels as painful as the day it happened, I want you to read this: However you might have judged yourself along the way, you are not grieving too much or too little or too long. And you most certainly are not expected to “get over it.” Over time, you might find yourself stepping back into your life in small ways. And whether you hate every second of it, or feel guilty for enjoying it, you are doing the painful work of creating space for life around this huge loss. Friendships that hold you, routines that steady you, responsibilities that strengthen you. They all count. The pain still lives with you, as it always will. But your willingness to face this new chapter in whatever ways you can, is not leaving the loss behind. It is building the strength to carry that grief with you. It is not an attempt to shrink the pain, but to create a life around it so that pain does not fill the entire space. Feel free to share @drjulie ❤️ For more on living through grief both my books have you covered. ‘Open When...’ was an instant No.1 Sunday Times and New York Times bestseller.. Also check out my multi million copy bestselling 1st book ‘Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?’ Both are available across the world in over 40 languages. If you brought a copy of either of my books thank you for the support 🙏 The original source of this concept is unclear but it appears related to the the work of Lois Tonkin for anyone who wishes to check out her work on grief.

👀 Did you spot the shift? 👉 It’s easy to miss it at first, because it is so gradual. But that is how change in emotion state tends to happen too. It’s not the flip of a coin. It’s a gradual shifting that takes time. The trouble with that is we become impatient when the feeling is uncomfortable or painful. We want it gone now. So, the temptation is to do whatever numbs it fast. Every time we do that, we lose touch with the natural course that human emotion will take, when we allow it to be present. It increases in It’s intensity, then slowly comes back down. 👉 ‘When it’s difficult to be with your feelings’ is the title of a whole section of my new No.1 Sunday Times & New York Times Bestseller, Open When. It breaks down into all the emotions we tend to struggle with, and I talk you through how to get through and out the otherside in the best way possible. 👉‘When it’s difficult to be with your feelings’ is the title of a whole section of my new No.1 Sunday Times & New York Times Bestseller, Open When. 💬 Comment the word ‘book’ I will DM you the links to some amazing discounted prices. Also check out my multi million copy bestselling 1st book ‘Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?’ Both are available across the world in over 40 languages. If you brought a copy of either of my books thank you for the support 🙏

👉 A woman’s mental health is never more vulnerable than in the first year after she has given birth. If you have noticed your wellbeing fluctuating since having a baby, I have a message for you. It’s not your fault. Having a baby has never been easy but our modern world, with all of it’s advantages that make life easier, seems to get this one so wrong. And both Mothers, Fathers and babies pay the price. The reason that mental health is so at risk during this time is because the core pillars of defense are all knocked out from beneath you. Some of those we can’t control, like sleep. Others we could use to help ourselves stay well, like social connection, nutrition and movement. But for anyone living in a place where community no longer exists, and Surestart centres or groups have been shut down, trying to look after your mental health alone, at the time when you need support more than ever, can feel overwhelming. We must do better for families. Feel free to share this message / video @drjulie ❤️ 👉 For anyone who needs a helping hand through those often dark and lonely moments check out my New York Times / Sunday Times bestselling book ‘Open When...’ it is finally out now worldwide (link in bio) Also check out my million copy bestselling 1st book ‘Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before?’ Both are available across the world in over 35 languages x If you want to hear the rest of this conversation, you can listen on the @unplanned__podcast